Saturday, September 14, 2019

The Fearless Vampire Fucker

The flail known as the Vampire Fucker* was made by the dwarf Lit when the Kingdom Under the Mountain still flourished and neither Man nor Dragon had come to despoil it. Whether vampires were known to the dwarves of old, the power came to the flail only later, or Lit had the power to prophesy is unclear. No dwarven songs seem to feature it, though some human scholars of their language have pointed to "maces" and similar devices found in their legendry that may be references to the Vampire Fucker.

It is known that it still had this name when the dwarf king in exile gifted it to Liudprand the Unsparing, the first hochmeister of the Sword Brothers to oversee their time in the Dark Country. Whether the king, whose name is not recorded, gave it willingly or was a captive in Schonberg (no the central fortress in Nunhead, one of the Seven Cities) is the subject of much debate.  It is clear that Liudprand, and sometimes his lieutenants, used the flail to "banish" a number of Varkolaks that were serving as quasi-deities to Bogdani tribesmen** and supposedly even some members of his own order who had been afflicted. However, the timeline of the Sword Brothers fall is often unclear, and these incidents may have been post-hoc rationalizations for massacres and internal paranoia. Despite its vampire slaying powers, it is still effective against the innocent.

The last references to the Vampire Fucker occur only in sources by the Sword Brothers themselves and contain the most depraved incident in the history of the weapon, if such tales are true.  It seems that the Witch of Averois, was grievously injured when a knight attempted to use the flail in a perverse act of sexual torture. Thereafter she had the reigning hochmeister seal the flail in a "museum" containing multiple relics seized on crusade in the Desert Lands. The vault which contained it has never been opened since.

A peculiarity concerning the weapon is the number of sources maintaining it is a "whip." All physical descriptions known note a heavy head at the end of a long chain. This strange nomenclature may be a reference to the flails ability to extend when the lifeforce of its wielder is at its height.

Vampire Fucker
Weapon (flail), very rare
You gain a +1 bonus to attacks and damage rolls made with this weapon.

If your hit points are at maximum (or temporary hit points above your maximum) the weapon has 10' reach. If your hit point maximum is lowered by an effect (such as the vampire's bite) this function still operates as long as your hit points are at or temporarily above this new maximum.

When you hit a vampire (as defined by the DM) with an attack using this weapon, the vampire takes an extra 2d6 radiant damage.

*Its name is translated from the rough language of the dwarves, whose runes clearly articulate this meaning.

**Bogdani is the ethnonym of the pagans of the Dark Country.  They are normally divided into White and Black Bogdani, though the distinction's meaning is often unclear to Realmishmen.

Thursday, September 12, 2019

FLGS Nightwick Session 1

We had a near TPK in my FLGS Wilderlands game and decided to take a hiatus at least until the end of October. In the meantime I'm running Nightwick for them. Unlike the Nightwick Regulars (who are still in the month of Elders, 1395), this game's in game month lines up with our current month - i.e. September 1395. Hopefully the coming weeks will show how I plan to reconcile this disparity.

This is another guest post by longtime player in my games, Chris.  You may remember him as Burgell the Gnome and Aslog in the Wilderlands.

Characters Present
Ermel the Dagger - Karslish Human Ranger 1
Dame Ysentrude - Realmish Human Paladin 1
"Sir" Ginger van Evergreen - Frogling Cleric of St Santa Claus 1
Flint Lichtbringer - Dwarven Paladin dedicated to St Richard the Prior 1
Anastasia Romanov - Novgovite "Human" Warlock of the Archfey 1

10th September 1394
We're in Nightwick and trapped due to some military happenings. Dame Ysentrude gets taken to a chirch for some walled-in girl to tell her some vision of seals breaking. Some lady in the town complained that her grandmother got killed by a sword brother and wants us to put her to rest. Another lady mentions her father is a wizard and wants to meet anyone going into the abbey.

We go see the lady with the grandmother problems who expresses that she is very poor and cannot offer much. Lame. Then we go to see the wizard in his tower.  Halfdan says he's a terrible wizard and he looks like it. He wants us to find some plants. Okay. So we head, finally, to Nightwick Abbey.

After journeying through woods we burst through to the abbey covered in kudzo and also two bell towers and crumbling ruins without the crumble. There is a cemetery covered in that same kudzu, though not as much. The east tower's doors are smashed open so we enter in. There is also a 10 foot hole with a metal ladder, which the trap door of is cut like meat fillet and half of it is plopped into a corner. Flint unspools rope down into the opening out of mistrust for the ladder and Ginger just goes down the latter.

Flint kicks the door open to reveal a room with a large statue at the end of it. It's a sword brothers statue! Ginger busies herself listening at each door. There's fighting beyond one of the doors. Of course one of the paladins wants to go to that. Thank goodness she is distracted by poking at the statue. Not enough though, and Dame kicks the door open and it breaks like meat. Good. Dame and Flint charge into the room where the battle sounds are coming from. There are a bunch of undead dancing around in combat with themselves. Flint throws a javelin at them and makes them angry!


We fought a bunch of skeletons and Ginger and Flint got hurt. We prevailed over them, eventually, and were rewarded with 2 gold crowns from two lead skeletons. We decided to leave, licking our wounds, back to Nightwick.

Monsters Defeated
10 Blind Dead and 2 Blind Bruders

Treasure Gained
2 Ducal Coronets (50gp each)

XP Per Player